Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Among today's emails I received the following notice:


Three years ago, disc jocky
[sic]/producer/historian/educator Phil Schaap opened a gift shop in the Jazz At Lincoln Center complex at 60th & Broadway in Manhattan. He quickly developed it into a unique shop with autographed CDs and books (many of them out of print), rare LPs, beautifully framed 78s signed by JALC director Wynton Marsalis and Lithographs by Christopher Paluso signed by either the artist or musicians associated with the subject. Alas, in the tradition of American business, Schaap's successful and unique shop has been replaced by a Borders kiosk, leaving Phil and his ever mounting collection of of jazz wonders out in the street. But True Blue Music has come to the rescue, offering over 70 of Phil's collectables at present and adding more all the time. If you click on Phil Schaap Jazz Store on the left side of the www.truebluemusic.com home page, the first round of items will reveal themselves to you. Supplies on all the unique items is limited.

Among the "jazz wonders" for sale are two signed 78 RPM records:

Coleman Hawkins - Stuffy - $300
STUFFY framed 78 by Coleman Hawkins' Orchestra (Capital 205 February 23, 1945 ORIGINAL ISSUE). In a 17" x 22" flat black frame with a black mat. Signed by Wynton Marsalis. Only one!

Earl Hines - Rosetta (signed by Hines!) - $2,250
ROSETTA framed 78 - Earl Hines & His Orch. (Decca 3517-A from the 78 album Decca 182, September 12, 1934, RARE CANADIAN ISSUE) In a 17" x 22" flat black frame with a black mat. Signed by EARL FATHA HINES. Only one!

I realize I've been missing the boat here, big time. While foolishly producing RADIOLA! at my own expense over the past three years or so, I could have been raking in big bucks by hawking memorabilia to fans of the show.

In the spirit of blatant hucksterism, I offer the following:

Paul Whiteman - Kinky Kids' Parade - $300
This copy of "Kinky Kids' Parade" (recorded August 15, 1925) is the one I've owned since childhood. It's in solid G (well, maybe G-) condition, owing to repeated playing with the same steel needle by two generations of my ancestors. After removing it from the cabinet of my great-grandmother's Victrola XI, I'll sign it and frame it with a Certificate of Authenticity.

Steel Needle - $30
This is the same steel needle which was used to play the above record dozens of times (as far as you know). Sold with Certificate of Authenticity.

Carpal Tunnel Kid - Non-Plugged - $800
"Non-Plugged" is the CD of novelty songs I produced and sold a few years ago on eBay. It is highly useful for chasing stray cats from your yard and it will effectively repel vermin from your crawlspace. Being the last of the original run it is now OUT OF PRINT. Though the cheap CD-R and crude paper label peg it as genuine, it is signed and includes a Certificate of Authenticity.

Record sleeve - $200
This is a genuine 10" record sleeve from the 78 RPM era, crafted with brown paper and printed with the name of a record label (my choice). It will be carefully signed with a vintage fountain pen, and it is sold with a Certificate of Authenticity.

Certificate of Authenticity - $150
This is a blank Certificate of Authenticity, signed by me. Fill it out and frame it with any 78 RPM record to increase its value exponentially. (Trust me on this.) The Certificate of Authenticity comes with its own Certificate of Authenticity.


Anonymous said...

Oh how I wish I could afford that old used steel needle of yours. What a treasure it must be, and a thrill to own.
The recession has reduced me to throwing my Autograph test pressings on the fire, just to keep the frost at bay in my old grandmothers humble homestead...
etc etc
Alex Mac, England
PS: For sale: A postcard sent to me by Brian Rust, telling me I was not to annoy his family any more by calling round with my jumble-sale "finds", asking him to value them. Price £980.

Andy said...

They say those Autographs do give off the most heat. It has something to do with the particular consistency of the shellac.

I find Berliners work almost as well--but since they're smaller you have to burn more of them.

I just can't help feeling we could have turned a profit with these items if only we had gotten Wynton or some other Marsalis to sign them.


Anonymous said...

Well, I burst out laughing at the final thrust of AS's humor, the blank Certificate of Authenticity with its own Certificate of Authenticity! I always wanted to do that one myself, but you cracked it first... Oh, guess that's not a great turn of phase for lovers of the shellac...
However, this is true. I got a bunch of Party Records (that is, made at real parties by the real people, on a 79's record cutting machine) made by none other than the famed playboy Tommy Manville, at his Long Island Estate... Not really party records in the Red Fox way, these are definitely, absolutely one-of-a-kind records, and I have them in a box up in my art /collection of LP's studio. Originally purchased in a West Nyack antique store in the mid 80's.
You don't play party records, do you Andy?

Dennis Hermanson
Hillsborough, NC USA